Flying Solo (Thanks for the title, Benji)

I’ve come to realise of late that I am an anti-social (but sometimes sociable) recluse. Much to my alarm, I have recently found myself shunning possible drinking sessions with large groups of Japanese and even my own peers on the JET Program!


I’ve done this lots of times with groups of Japanese and usually claim I don’t want to go out with them because my Japanese sucks and I hate looking stupid and have no idea what’s going on, but sometimes the thought of going out to a party with lots of (especially new) people makes me want to vom slightly. I am fine with smaller groups and also with large groups of people I already know but often the inane small talk / politeness / predictability / making an impression stuff is just far too tiresome to contend with.

This was further confirmed the other day during cleaning time at school. Everyday in schools all over Japan, students and teachers clean the entire school together after lunch. I imagine they do this because they don’t want to give evening jobs to under qualified forty-five year old women. Everyday this teacher Yamada Sensei keeps bugging the kids to talk to me and ask me questions in English, which I’m sure they hate. I reckon he pretends his English is crapper than it is, so he can get the kids to ‘translate’ and then by praising them, deflect from his own embarrassment (I know! I have too much time to think of these things).

Anyway, I know it’s kind of my job to motivate/converse with the kids but really I just want him to stop bugging the kids and me. I just want to be left alone. We get along fine when we are cleaning quietly and peacefully and then a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘see you later’ is cool with me (and them). I could go to another part of the school to clean, but I never clean toilets unless they’re my own and I don’t want to clean classrooms. Corridors are good. Corridors are fine. So on that day, I was hovering at the back trying to be unnoticed (not easy in Japan). Yamada Sensei was obviously talking about me to the kids, trying to get them to initiate conversation. I usually jump in at this point and save them from his nagging, but today I pretended I couldn’t hear and kept sweeping further and further and further away…

As for socialising outside of school…I am apparently so relaxed and comfortable in my boyfriend and friend spheres that I really don’t care to extend my circle of friends. I’m happy with what I’ve got. You know, if I had no faith in my abilities, I would be more concerned at my current apathy for social networking, especially since I am hoping to carve out a career for myself in Public Relations (ooooops).

Sometimes when I was growing up, my mother used to call me ‘Greta’ (referring to Garbo’s famous movie line ‘I want to be alone…’) I used to mope off and disappear alone for hours on end. Still in my mid-twenties, it’s not uncommon for ‘Greta’ to make an appearance from time to time. My dear late Grandmother was another ‘Greta’. She never wanted to socialise with other ‘old people’. Because they had no appreciation for literature and the classics, because they didn’t read and recite poetry, because unlike her, they were not doing a Degree in Art History and English Literature at the age of 75. She was the most adorable snob. But I got to thinking, her snobbish claims were as transparent as my ‘poor Japanese’ excuses. She wasn’t especially concerned with all that stuff. She just preferred to spend time with the people that really mattered. Maybe I do too.

Greta Garbo

1905 - 1990